#13 “耶和華啊，你洞察我的內心，知道我的一切….”

"耶和華啊，你洞察我的內心，知道我的一切。 我或坐下或起來，你都知道，你從遠處就知道我的心思意念。 我或外出或躺臥，你都瞭解，你熟悉我的一切行為。4耶和華啊，我話未出口，你已洞悉一切。"

詩篇 139:1-4a

親愛的主，

你願意如此親密的了解我，讓我深受感動，但也讓我感到害怕。 在成長過程中，我學習如何保護自己，使我不再輕易相信別人。 而且，由於在相當律法主義和傳統的信仰傳統中長大，對於這種與上帝建立的親密關係似乎並不存在；上帝要知道我心之所想，往往被解釋為他要控制我們思想和行動的方式，以證賞罰，而不是一種關心的姿態。 如果我在幾年前解釋這些經文，我會認為神進入我的思想，目的是以防止我得罪祂；但事實並非如此。現在，隨著我的心靈變得柔軟、更開放，讓我看到了脆弱的價值。 一個人只有在內心柔軟、脆弱的時候才能體會愛的溫柔，而這種心靈土壤必須是由完全的信任所滋養而成的。當我進入詩篇作者最深的渴望，並試圖理解為什麼你稱詩人大衛為「合你心意的人」時，我似乎感受到了你愛的溫柔，以及他所描述的一絲親密。

主啊，請幫助我明白，你像讀一本打開的書一樣讀懂我的心，不是因為你想告訴我誰是有能力全權操縱的智者，也不是你等著譴責我的錯誤行為，而是因為你渴望在我裏面有真實和真誠。 在你身上，沒有任何偽裝，就像你在世上時一樣，你一次有一次地成為我們一本打開的書。主啊，儘管聽起來有些矛盾，但原來開放確實是與您建立親密關係的大門。 主耶穌，如果我想真正與你建立親密的關係，請幫助我變得開放和脆弱。毫無隱藏或羞恥地歡迎你來到我心中最黑暗的地方或最乾旱貧瘠的土地。讓我對你敞開心扉，冒險與你建立這種親密的關係。

阿門

#13 “You are so intimately aware of me, Lord…”

“Lord, you know everything there is to know about me. You perceive every movement of my heart and soul, and you understand my every thought before it even enters my mind. You are so intimately aware of me, Lord. You read my heart like an open book, and you know all the words I’m about to speak before I even start a sentence!”

Psalm 139:1-4a (TPT)

Dear Lord,

Your being so intimately aware of me has touched me deeply, yet it scares me as well. Growing up learning how to protect myself discourages me from trusting someone easily. Also, being raised in a rather legalistic and conventional tradition of faith, this intimacy with God seems non-existence; it is often interpreted as God’s way of controlling our mind and action rather than a gesture of care. If I were to interpret these verses a few years ago, I would have thought that God enters my mind to prevent me from sinning against him; but now, as my heart is softened and more open, I see the value of vulnerability. One can only experience the tenderness of love when the heart is soft and vulnerable, which must have been nurtured by complete trust. When I enter the Psalmist’s deepest desire and try to understand why you call him “the man after your own heart”, I seem to feel the tenderness of your love, and a hint of intimacy he describes.

Lord, help me to understand that you read my heart like an open book not because you want to show me who is in charge or that you are waiting to condemn me for my wrongdoing; but because you desire authenticity and genuineness. In you, there is no pretense just like when you were on earth, you first became an open book for us. As paradoxical as it may sound, openness is indeed the door to enter into intimacy with you, Lord. If I want to truly develop an intimate relationship with you, Lord Jesus, please help me to be open and vulnerable. There is no shame to welcome you to the darkest place or the driest patch of land in my heart. I am all open for you, let me venture into this intimate relationship with you.

Amen.